Wednesday, February 22, 2006

trekking the jealousy map...

This is my jealousy map. It looks pretty neat and tidy in grid form--but in reality it's not always as manageable. Jealousy sucks energy out of what could otherwise simply be encouraging. Cameron writes: "Green is the color of jealousy, but it is also the color of hope." In writing out this map, which I did originally in my journal, it became ridiculously obvious to me how easy it is to solve any problems of jealousy (or for that matter, many of my problems in general). I look at the action antidotes that I wrote and am thinking: "oh, DUH. Why didn't I think of that before?!?"
Funny thing, is that I really love the people I am jealous of. It should not surprise me that it's because they're inspiring.

WHO

WHY

ACTION ANTIDOTE

name goes here

Her ability to organize, get things done, and accomplish the goals she sets for herself.

Start working.

name goes here

Everyone gushes over her blog posts even when it doesn’t say much or make sense. (I feel mean for saying that. She is incredibly heartfelt, sensitive, and caring. She draws people to her like a magnet--myself and others too. Maybe that's what it is that I'm really jealous of--her magnetism.)

Be real. Quit looking for validation through blog comments and appreciate the comments I do receive.

name goes here

Her ability to just sit down and write anywhere.

Go sit somewhere and write.

Natalie Goldberg

Her confidence as a young and relatively inexperienced writer to write a book about writing (Writing Down the Bones)

Quit worrying about what everyone else thinks and write what is important to ME.

Nancy Michael (my English Professor)

Her incredible intelligence, memory, and ability to articulate.

Listen closely and learn from her.

9 Comments:

Blogger megg said...

Amen sister! I am working through that right now too - the whole 'jealousy teaches me what I want in life' thing is SO hard! I have a blogger I feel exactly the same way about! But letting jealousy teach you is hard when it is also nibbling on your insides!! I come back nearly every day to see what YOU'VE said. I think you're fantastic!!

11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AMEN.

Thank you for sharing this chart with us. We benefit so much from all the time and energy you put into it---you've inspired me to try and create a map myself. I especially felt the power of the "action" column --how simple it is to turn a situation around.

~bluepoppy

3:36 PM  
Blogger melba said...

I found for me it is difficult when I am jealous of bloggers because it just sits there. I don't know anyone in person who blogs so there is no one to talk to about and vent these feelings to (because for me I think my husband would have a hard time mustering up the compassion if I complained... so and so in my blog world gets more comments than me...) This is partly a good thing because I think like anywhere a circle of friends can get petty at times. I don't have a circle of friends in person right now (other than family members)but I know how that happens. I have my journals and feel more comfortable lately having email conversations, but blogging is kind of guarded. You know what I mean? I am glad you did the exercise and spelt it out for all of us. Jealousy can be motivating but it is really about us and our own insecurities.
And thank you sincerely for the amazing comments on my blog today. You have no idea what a smile you put on my face!

4:30 PM  
Blogger liz elayne said...

thank you for the inspiration to be this honest about the jealousy that i feel in my world. i appreciate this post so much. i have been writing a blog post in my head today about the idea that comments are the ultimate exercise for the ego. on every level. (at least for me.) and letting that ego go...
i love stopping by for your inspiring words...and think it is time for me to wander over to your other blog too...

5:49 PM  
Blogger Cate said...

Thanks for your inspiring words and honesty. I struggle with jealousy (find it both motivating and crippling, if that makes sense). I agree that it's important to work through those feelings, and I admire your efforts! Bravo.

9:42 PM  
Blogger gkgirl said...

i think you did a great job
with this task...
so much detail
and good actions to take...

great insights
:)

8:00 AM  
Blogger In Otter Space said...

Your post is so raw and honest. I think lot of us feel the same things you do although aren't brave enough to voice it.

Is it crazy to look for validation through blog comments? I say - NO. I sometimes feel these are the strings that hold me together. One kind word or one little question makes my whole day. It keeps me feeling more like a creative artist and less like a boring hosuewife. But maybe at the center I'm still just an insecure little girl that needs that constant maternal pat on the head.

Natalie is so right when she says to write what we know and write what is important to us. That truth has kept me afloat all these years and made me a better writer.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Jyesika said...

I get very wrapped up in blog commentary despite my best efforts to preserve a shred of dignity. Sometimes I also roll my eyes at posts with lots of feedback that I find trite.
I identified with that "jealousy map" entry of yours...

11:53 PM  
Anonymous Marilyn said...

I love what you've done in this chart. It reminds me a bit of the 4th step in A.A....where you write out your resentments...but then you add a column called "My Part"...most don't like to do that last part...ha! But it always comes back to it being about US and not THEM, doesn't it? ;)

5:47 PM  

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